


Lance of Ruin

by BlueDima



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I had a brief Marianne Mercedes interaction written, I'm so sorry Sylvain sweetie, M/M, Multi, My Dimitri bias is showing, Somehow this fic turned more Felix heavy? Despite the title, and my eyes were opened, but then I saw a twitter post about the MercedesxMarianne agenda, dimileth agenda fulfilled, would need a whole nother fic to do them justice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-13 07:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21240089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDima/pseuds/BlueDima
Summary: First time posting a fic! I'm not 100% sure how this works, but I'm gonna give it my best shot! Will update tags and rating as needed.Also! Spoilers for some pre-timeskip stuff and Azure Moon Route!!!! (Also also, I haven't played any route other than AM (of course the least lore heavy route), so some stuff may not line up w/ info from the other routes).After Ashe has been transformed into a demonic beast, Felix and Sylvain will do everything they can to bring him back. And care for each other along the way.





	1. Ashe

**Author's Note:**

> TW: blood

Ashe reaches back into his quiver. His heart sinks as his fingers grasp thin air. No. No no no, this can’t be happening. Not now. 

His eyes dart back to the scene in front of him. Sylvain, unconscious on the ground. Empire soldier with axe raised high. 

Then he sees the lance. The Lance of Ruin that lies just few feet away from the two. Yellowed bone coated in blood. His mind briefly flashes back to the tower, to Miklan, but he doesn’t have time to think.

He casts his bow aside and runs toward Sylvain. He scoops up the lance, desperate cry rising in his throat. 

The soldier glances up, then changes the trajectory of their swing. Ashe braces the lance. Steel screeches against ancient bone, and he nearly buckles under the impact. He grits his teeth and sweeps the lance outward. The soldier stumbles back, but just as quickly surges forward again. Ashe throws himself between the enemy and Sylvain, parrying the blows as the come. But just barely. 

It’s not enough. For all of Ashe’s desperation and training, the soldier clearly has the upper-hand. He’s going to lose. He’s going to lose his life, but worst of all he’s going to lose Sylvain. Sylvain who, for all his flaws, is truly kind. Sylvain who he loves more than anything. Sylvain, for who he’d give everything. 

Sylvain.

Pain pierces through his palms. The soldier stumbles backwards, and Ashe looks down. Black threads are coming out of the lance’s crest stone, piercing into his hands and wrapping around his arms. The pain is excruciating. He tries to toss the lance away, but it already has him in its hold. He stumbles forward, some instinct screaming at him to put as much distance between himself and Sylvain as possible. He can feel something rising inside him. Something that makes his gut clench. His pupils dilate. 

“Ashe!” He hears Felix shout. He turns toward the man’s voice and sees him there. Cutting down enemies, struggling to reach them. 

He wants to tell Felix and Sylvain that he loves them, that he’s sorry, but there’s no time for words. The black tendrils wrap around his mouth, nose, ears, and eyes. They swallow him completely, and there is only darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter <3I was a little nervous posting this, because it's very niche, but I hope that you enjoy the story regardless!


	2. Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix makes some choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death

****A roar reverberates across the battlefield. Felix swears that he can hear Ashe’s voice in it, some twisted facsimile of the man he loves. But Ashe’s sweet voice could never convey such rage. 

The beast snaps up an axe-user in its jaws, shaking their body wildly to and fro. This can’t be happening. That thought repeats in Felix’s mind over and over, even as his body continues to fight. He cuts down the last soldier in his way, barely even considering them, and sprints towards Sylvain. 

Ashe would never hurt Sylvain. Never. But still, cold fear pushes Felix forward. He slings Sylvain over his shoulder and glances back towards the demonic beast. It’s tearing through soldiers, both empire and kingdom alike. Blood streams freely from its jaws, and Felix feels something sick clench in his stomach. 

“Ashe!” The name is out of his mouth before he can even think to hold it back. It’s a name he’s said lovingly time and time again, always returned by the man’s fond smile. The light as that smile reaches his eyes. 

There’s no smile this time. Only red eyes glowing with hunger and malice. The beast steps towards him. Felix raises his blade, arm trembling. He glances at Sylvain, still unconscious on his shoulder. If not for him, Felix may have just let the beast devour him then and there. He can’t let Sylvain die, but he can’t hurt Ashe either. 

In his indecision, he fails to notice the thing that was Ashe approaching. A shadow falls over him, and he looks up to see those blood-soaked jaws looming dangerously close.

But still, he can’t swing his blade. Instead he throws himself in front of Sylvain, shielding the man with his body. He braces himself for the crunch of bone, the pain. 

Instead, there’s the scrape of bone tearing through flesh, and an anguished cry from the beast. He turns to see a blue cape, crowned in matted furs, and the familiar bloodlust in Dimitri’s single blue eye. 

The look changes to concern as the Prince turns his gaze on Felix. “Go!” 

Felix barely processes the word. His gaze is fixated on the beast behind Dimitri, blood dripping from the gash on its chest. He struggles to his feet, still holding Sylvain, and shouts, 

“Boar don’t you dare, don’t you dare touch him! If you lay one finger on him again I- I’ll cut you down myself!” 

“Him-?” Dimitri’s eye widens, and he turns to face the beast. “Felix you don’t mean-“

He’s cut off as the beast lunges at him. He blocks the blow. The beast’s claws bear down on him and, even with his strength, his arms tremble with the strain. This time, he doesn’t move to strike back. Felix watches all of this, numb, even as the calls of his allies draw nearer. The enemy is gone, but the battle isn’t over. 

“Felix!” 

His head snaps up. He doesn’t know how long Dimitri has been shouting his name. “What do you want to do?!”

His words are simple, leaving no room for confusion as to who’s choice this is. The Boar is putting himself at Felix’s mercy. Felix grits his teeth. He knows that Ashe is gone. He knows that in his mind, but his damned heart won’t let him believe it. And he can’t lose another member of his family. 

“Don’t kill him! Restrain him, knock him out, do what you have to, but please-“ His voice cracks on the last word, but he doesn’t need to finish.

Dimitri nods, and shouts orders to their comrades. Confused expressions quickly change to ones of horror, but they oblige. 

They manage to chain the beast- Ashe. He thrashes under their hands, and they don’t escape the feat unscathed. The whole time Felix just stands there. Dull-eyed and barely aware of his friends around him. 

It’s only when Sylvain stirs on his shoulder that the reality of the situation hits him. “Felix...?” The man’s voice is groggy, and Felix’s heart sinks. How can he tell him? He knows that Sylvain will blame himself. Blame his cursed relic and his family’s crest. 

For one horrible moment, he considers telling Sylvain that Ashe has died. That his body had been mangled beyond recognition. It isn’t a lie. But he buries the thought. Sylvain will find out, one way or another, and he can’t lie to him. Not about something so important. 

That will come later though. For now, Sylvain is alive with him, and that’s all that matters. Felix squeezes Sylvain’s hand. “I’m here.” 

He gingerly lays Sylvain down on his lap, pulling off his cape and bundling it under his lover’s head. Sylvain gives him a bleary smile. “What’s that look for? We won, didn’t we?” The man reaches up to caress Felix’s cheek. Felix averts his gaze, and Sylvain’s brow furrows. “Hey, you alright?” 

As Sylvain asks this, a guttural cry pierces the air. It’s unnervingly familiar, yet foreign at the same time. Felix flinches at the sound, and the redhead’s eyes widen. “Goddess what was that-?” He moves to get up, but Felix pushes him back down. His hands are gentle but firm. “Stay still. Mercedes will be here in a minute.”

Sylvain lays back against his lap, but Felix can feel his reluctance. 

“Felix, where’s Ashe?”

The question is like ice in his veins. His throat tightens, his body unwilling to say that which needs to be said. The cries continue behind them, and Felix squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t look at Sylvain. 

“Felix?” The fear in Sylvain’s voice pushes Felix out of his own. He forces his gaze to meet Sylvain’s, and he almost wishes he hadn’t. The desperation in the man’s eyes is enough to break him. “He’s- not dead,” Felix manages.

Sylvain breathes a sigh of relief at that, but it’s short lived. “What happened? Is he okay?” 

Felix swallows and tells him everything. How Ashe tried to protect him. How he was consumed by the lance. What he is now. Sylvain’s expression changes from fear to anguish, and even as Felix explains, he’s muttering no under his breath. As if denying the situation would change the truth of it. Felix wishes it could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this on my phone, so the formatting is a little funky ;;'


	3. Sylvain

**** Sylvain pushes himself up, and this time Felix doesn’t try to stop him. He makes his way towards the horrible noises, Felix close on his heels. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees the beast, Ashe, in the midst of his friends. His mind flashes back to Miklan, the tower, the pain his brother had gone through. 

He starts towards Ashe but is intercepted by Byleth. She shakes her head, sorrow knitting her brow. He puts his hands on her shoulders. “Please Professor, I need to see him. Maybe he’ll know us. Maybe there’s been a mistake. Maybe-“

“Sylvain.” 

Felix’s voice cuts through his plea. The man crosses his arms and looks to the side. No, he doesn’t cross them. Sylvain knows from the way he’s trembling. He’s holding himself together, physically and otherwise. And just barely. “I saw it myself. There’s no mistake.” Felix’s words are short, curt almost. 

Sylvain knows that tone of voice. It had been there when they’d heard of Dimitri’s execution. When Rodrigue had died. Felix is hurting, and, once again, Sylvain can’t do anything about it. 

He embraces Felix then. He wraps the smaller man in his arms, and he feels Felix’s body stiffen, then shake as the tears start to flow. He buries his face in Felix’s hair, and they cry, holding what is left of them together.

“We need to get to the Empire.” Sylvain’s words are sudden, even to him. Felix scoffs, eyes still red. “Now you sound like the Boar.”

Felix is right, he admits. But he follows the train of thought, desperate for any hope. “They’ve made these things, so they might know how to reverse it.”

Felix’s eyes widen. Byleth’s too. She looks between them and nods. “We’ll talk about it at the next war council.” 

\---

Transporting Ashe back to the monastery is another ordeal entirely, but they manage it. The smith gets right to work, making a cage fit to hold such a thing. 

The whole time, Sylvain is there with Felix by his side. He watches Ashe struggle against his bonds, wincing every time the chains dig into his flesh. He sends a silent apology to his lover. 

They put him in a quiet corner of the monastery, far enough from the barracks that they can still get sleep. Sylvain visits Ashe often. It’s hard to be near him, to see what he’s become, but Sylvain can’t just leave him alone. And when he isn’t with Ashe, he’s with Felix.

It’s been a month now. They’ve taken back Fhirdiad, and Dimitri is king. Despite the brightness of the coronation festivities, Sylvain had wanted nothing more than to return to the monastery. Now, he sits on the ground, a few feet from the bars, legs crossed.

“If this were one of your stories, I could kiss you and this would all be a bad dream. Though I’m not exactly a prince,” Sylvain laughs. 

The courtyard falls silent. Ashe, for his part, is quiet. His head lays close to the bars, watching Sylvain with one glowing red eye. Sylvain wants to reach out- to place his palm on the beast and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. But the countless warnings from the Professor and Dimitri echo in his head. Cyril had tried, and he still has the scars to show for it. Sylvain’s expression becomes somber.

“I hope that you’re still in there, Ashe. But... it might be better if you don’t remember this.” He’s quiet for a moment. “I heard that things got pretty bad on the battlefield. But it isn’t your fault- none of this is your fault, okay?” His voice cracks, and tears prick at his eyes.

“It’s mine. If I hadn’t been careless- or if I hadn’t brought that stupid lance, none of this would have happened!”

The tears are falling freely now. He wipes at them, but they just keep coming. 

A clang snaps him out of his reverie, and he sees that Ashe has shoved himself against his cage, one set of claws gripping the bars tight. The metal creaks and groans under the strain but holds true. He lets out a roar, and Sylvain instinctively scoots back. The man feels guilty immediately. What does he have to fear? It’s Ashe, just Ashe. No matter what form he may take.

“Did I startle you?” Sylvain puts his hands up. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” He watches the beast- Ashe, press himself up against the bars of the cage, eyes intent on Sylvain. His tail lashes furiously, but, eventually, he heaves a sigh and settles back onto his side.

Sylvain regards him curiously. “Are you... mad at me? Because of what I said?” 

The creature that is Ashe makes no response. Only watches Sylvain with those red eyes. Sylvain knows it’s unlikely, some silly hope, but he can’t help but cling to it. To the sweet and gentle man he once knew. 

He gets up and, slowly, reaches out his hand. His hand passes through the bars, then hovers inches from Ashe’s head. From the haphazard rows of teeth. Still, the beast doesn’t move. He lays his hand gingerly on the beast’s cheek. It shudders once, then closes its eyes and leans into his touch. 

This time Sylvain doesn’t try to stop the tears. He runs his hand, trembling, over Ashe’s cheek. “Ashe, Ashe I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And Sylvain swears that the beast understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know as much about Sylvain's character as Felix's, but I'm gonna do my best!


	4. The Beast

Some part of it knows. It doesn’t understand, but it knows. 

There’s something familiar about the scent of them. The rise and fall of their voices. The familiarity makes its chest ache so much that it’s almost maddening. 

But when they’re around it feels at ease. Like the turmoil in its mind and body, the urges to rend flesh and devour all those living, might be quieted by their presence.

And some part of it remembers them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short blurb. This is probably one of the parts that I had the clearest idea about.


	5. Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Dedue do some gardening

Felix hates stories about knights. But now, here he is, reading one aloud. “In a flash, Kyphon's sword flew from its scabbard. The knight parried the assassin's blade mere inches from the spine of his king." 

He chances a glance at Ashe. It may be his imagination, but Felix swears that Ashe is calmer when he reads these tales. Ingrid had been the one to suggest it. She’d handed Felix Loog and the Maiden of Wind, and he’s read to Ashe as often as he can ever since. It’s hard to believe how many of these stories exist but, for once, he’s glad for it.

Ashe’s eyes are closed, exhausted from his constant, mindless struggles, but a rumble resonates in his throat as Felix pauses. 

“I know, I know.” There’s the edge of a smile in the man’s voice. He returns his gaze to the page and continues. 

—-

Felix looks up at the sound of footsteps. He expects Sylvain, or maybe Mercedes, and opens his mouth in greeting. He stops when he sees the Boar’s dog (Dedue, he corrects himself) standing there. Sylvain has shared strong words with him about how he refers to the man, so, for once, Felix keeps his tongue in check. 

Dedue carries several rectangular pots under one arm and a burlap sack in the other. Ashe raises his head at Dedue’s approach but remains where he is.

“Oh, it’s you.” Felix doesn’t try to hide the disappointment in his voice. 

Dedue nods in greeting. “Felix.”

Felix closes the book and stands up. “What’s all that for?” he asks. “If you want to garden, you’ve come to the wrong place for it.” 

Dedue gestures to the courtyard. “I wanted to decorate a bit. I brought seeds, violet, mint. I thought it might help him feel more at home, for what that’s worth.”

Felix glances around. Though it’s lined with some shrubs, the space is sparse. It’s wide, open, and fenced off by towering stone walls. Ashe’s cage is really the only notable thing inside of it. “That’s... not a bad idea,” Felix admits begrudgingly.

Actually, it’s a good one. Ashe’s friends come to keep him company when they can, but they’ve done little about the space. He’s surprised that they haven’t, now that he thinks about it. 

“Do you want help?” 

Felix feels about as surprised as Dedue looks at the question. It’s no secret that they have rocky relations, what with Dedue’s loyalty to Dimitri and Felix’s disdain for him. Felix crosses his arms. “I mean- look I don’t know much about gardening, but I can throw some soil into pots. It will be faster that way. You have to return to the Boar, don’t you?” 

Dedue considers Felix for a moment. Felix doesn’t like the look in his eyes, knowing with a touch of amusement. The man nods. “Of course. I’m grateful for your help.”

Felix huffs and walks to the man’s side. “Let’s get this over with.”

—-

Felix didn’t know how much work plants were, before this. The planting is easy. Dedue instructs him on the depth, the watering. But it’s outside his usual routine, and Felix catches himself forgetting on several occasions. He’d hurry to the courtyard, only to find Dedue there. The man would nod at him in that knowing (understanding?) way of his, and then they’d work side by side. Felix forgets less and less as time goes on, but Dedue still comes. 

They care for them together, and it seems like no time at all before the first sprouts appear. Felix doesn’t consider himself one for sentiments. But the first day that the violets bloomed? No less than magical. They bring color to that distant corner of the monastery, and the smell of mint is a welcome reprieve from that of rot. 

Ashe’s behavior doesn’t change. His rampages are just as frequent and wild, necessitating many visits from their healers. But in his moments of lucidity (can he call it that?), Felix sees him looking towards those blooms. It’s strange. Strange in a way that makes Felix’s heart flutter. He finds himself holding hopes far too unlikely for how often he thinks about them.

But still, he keeps his distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so somewhere in my rearrangements I forgot to move this part, so sorry if there was some confusion on the sibling chapter upload!


	6. Felix & Sylvain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Sylvain break the news to Ashe's siblings.

**Felix**

“We have to tell them.”

Felix crosses his arms, completely ignoring the food in front of him. Sylvain sighs, his brow knit in a mixture of concentration and consternation. It’s something that they’ve talked about several times, always ending in indecision. But there’s no time for that anymore, because Ashe’s siblings are coming to the monastery. 

They received the letter a day ago, but it’ll only be another few before the pair arrives. Sylvain’s silence is exasperating, as much as Felix hates to admit it. 

“Ashe is their only family. They deserve to know,” he says.

Sylvain pinches the bridge of his nose. “I know. It’s just- how are we supposed to tell them? They’ve looked up to him since they were kids. And the demonic beast thing has been hush hush since... well, for as long as the church has been in place. Longer maybe.”

It’s Felix’s turn to sigh. “Yeah, but it’s not a choice anymore. They gone months without a letter from Ashe. They’re probably worried sick.” With good reason, Felix adds. But he keeps that part to himself. 

“Yeah, yeah alright,” Sylvain says, “How do we want to do this?”

\---

They look so much like their older brother. That’s Felix’s first thought when Ashe’s siblings arrive. They both share his freckles and silvery locks. His sister, Arlie’s, eyes are just like his, pale green, but intent on her surroundings. His brother Aubrey has his smile, and Felix finds himself lost in the similarities. 

They’ve grown over the five years. The war has taken its toll, but being raised in the church had been good to them, it seemed. 

“Hey you two, it’s been a while!” Sylvain’s cheerful tone breaks the silence, and he ruffles their hair. “You’ve gotten so big! Seems like yesterday you were barely up to my waist. Now look at you.” He’s rewarded with smiles from the two. Their smiles are soon replaced by curious glances. It’s his sister who speaks up first

“Big Bro isn’t with you?” 

Felix grimaces. The church hasn’t told them anything it seems. Typical. 

“About that... There’s something we need to tell you.” He eyes them. They can’t have more than twenty five years between the two of them. But despite that, he can see understanding in their faces. The realization of some fear they’d buried. 

Sylvain kneels down and holds out his hand. “Why don’t we go to one of the gardens? We can talk there. Mercie baked some sweets too. Promise you’ll never taste anything better!” Felix doesn’t know how he can keep his voice so upbeat. But he’s grateful for it. 

The siblings exchange nervous glances, but Aubrey takes Sylvain’s hand. 

The garden is quiet. Tall hedges wall it off from the rest of the monastery, giving it a secluded feel. Sylvain leads them over to the gazebo, sitting Ashe’s siblings down. Felix retrieves Mercedes’ cookies from his sash and passes it to the two. Ashe’s brother doesn’t touch the box. Arlie nibbles at them out of politeness, but there’s little joy in it. 

“Is Big Bro okay?” 

Felix puts his hand over Sylvain’s, drawing strength from his lover’s presence. “Your brother- isn’t himself right now. We’re doing our best to help him, but he’s very sick.” 

Felix curses himself for the way he stumbles through the words. How is he supposed to explain it though? He hardly understands it himself. Ashe’s sister opens her mouth to speak, but Aubrey beats her to it.

“Can we see him?” 

Felix forces himself to meet the boy’s eyes. 

“I don’t think you should.” 

Ashe would never hurt them, but they can’t risk the possibility. If something happened, even if- even when they found a way to return him to normal, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. And Felix knows how hard it is. Seeing him like this. Sylvain squeezes Felix’s hand and gives the siblings a sad smile. 

“It’s complicated, but Felix is right.” 

Ashe’s sister leans forward, staring at them with those big green eyes. 

“What kind of sickness is it? I know some herbs, Ashe taught me. Maybe they can help?”

Of course he did. Ashe always gave his siblings the best, no matter how little they had. Felix sighs. “It’s... that’s kind of you, but it’s not a sickness herbs can fix.”

Sylvain furrows his brow. “Mm, have you heard that one story, where the prince gets turned into a frog? It’s kind of like that.”

This just seems to confuse the siblings further. Ashe’s brother sticks out his tongue. “Are you saying big bro’s a frog?” 

“Wha- no! He’s more like a dragon-lizard thing.” Sylvain sighs and scratches his head. “No, that doesn’t make it any better, does it?” 

The siblings look baffled now, and Aubrey crosses his arms. “No, those are just stories. And I’m not leaving until we get to see him.” 

Sylvain looks helplessly at Felix, but Felix doesn’t have any answers for him. And before they can come to a consensus, there’s the pitter patter of steps and Ashe’s brother is halfway across the garden. 

“Hey wait-!” 

The boy does not, in fact, wait, and Felix takes off after him. He hadn’t expected the conversation to be easy, but he hadn’t seen this coming either. Exiting the garden, the boy is nowhere to be found. Felix curses under his breath, and jogs over to the first person he sees. Which of course happens to be the Boar. 

“Oh, Felix what is-“ Dimitri’s pleasant tone is the last thing Felix wants to hear right now.

“Where’d he go?” 

Dimitri blinks. “Pardon?”

Felix scowls. “Ashe’s brother. Where did he go? You’re not blind, are you?”

Felix sees the hurt in Dimitri’s expression, but he ignores it. He’s not in the mood for the king of Faerghus’ games right now. His plays at humanity or otherwise. 

“Oh, I did see a boy run by. Towards the cathedral I believe.” 

“Thanks.” With that, he brushes past Dimitri and makes his way towards the cathedral. He hears Dimitri call out behind him, something about helping, but he ignores that too. Whatever there had been between them, it doesn’t matter now. 

\---

**Sylvain**

“Is what you said true?” Arlie asks. Her voice is small, timid. She’s set the cookies aside completely now.

Sylvain glances back at her. “I-” She’s looking at him with those pale-green eyes, and, somehow, he can’t find his words. He swallows. “Yeah, it’s true. And... it was sort of my fault.”

He doesn’t know what prompts the confession. Something about her expression, her resemblance to her brother. Whatever it is, the words come of their own accord. “We were fighting the Empire. I was careless, and your brother tried to- did protect me.” He looks down at the ground, unable to hold her gaze any longer. “I’m sorry Arlie.”

There’s a silence. It stretches between them like some great chasm, but he doesn’t know what to say. She hates him. He knows she does. How could she not? Because of him her brother is as good as dead. Goddess knows he loathes himself for that already.

Then he feels a pat on his head. He looks up to see Arlie with her tiny hand on his hair. Tears are spilling down her cheeks, and her lower lip is trembling, but there is warmth in her eyes. 

“Brother wouldn’t want you to look so sad. So please, don’t apologize.”

Tears well up in Sylvain’s eyes too, and he takes her hand in his, pressing it to his forehead. “Oh Arlie...”

\---

**Felix**

It’s late afternoon by the time Felix finds Ashe’s brother. Aubrey is standing with Cyril at the entryway to the courtyard. “Ya sure you want to do this?” Cyril asks. 

Felix doesn’t wait for Aubrey to respond. “There you are.” 

His voice causes both of them to jump, and Aubrey ducks behind Cyril. Felix puts a hand on his hip. “Come on, your sister’s worried about you.” 

Cyril holds an arm in front of Aubrey. “Felix, stop. You’re gonna scare him.”

Felix glares at him. “Cyril, you of all people should know how dangerous it is.” He gestures to Cyril’s arm, where the deep scars peek out from under his sleeve. It’s a low blow, and Felix knows it. But he doesn’t care right now. 

Cyril glares right back at him, and retorts in his usual matter-of-fact tone. “He already promised not to touch. I’ll stop him if I have to.”

Felix curses Cyril’s stubbornness. “You know how Ashe gets with new people.” 

Cyril crosses his arms and remains firmly planted between Aubrey and Felix. “He’s not new, he’s Ashe’s brother.”

“You know Ashe wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.”

Guilt flashes across Cyril’s face, but he doesn’t move. “Nothing will. Plus, it’s his choice, not ours.” Ashe’s brother nods, still watching Felix with wary eyes. Felix doesn’t want Ashe’s brother to look at him like that, but he can’t just let Aubrey put himself in danger. 

Even though there isn’t any danger, he reminds himself. But if that’s the case, why is he doing this?

Because he thinks that Ashe is dangerous. It’s true, and he hates that it is. Even though he loves Ashe, he can’t forget the day that he was turned into that... thing. He knows what Ashe is capable of, more than Sylvain or any of the Blue Lions. But there’s something else. It takes a moment for him to figure out what it is. 

He sees himself in Aubrey. Losing a brother this early... having everyone glorify or even avoid the truth of his death... Felix can imagine all too well what Aubrey is feeling. And it’s that that makes him hesitate. His mind cycles through his options, but none are ones that he likes He doesn’t have time to dwell on the thought. 

The clang of metal and a viscous roar pierces the air. All three of them glance towards the courtyard. Aubrey’s face pales, and he asks, “Is that...?” 

Felix winces, both at the sounds and the fear in the boy’s face. He finds no satisfaction in Aubrey’s change of heart. Somehow, he keeps his voice steady though. “Yeah. Looks like he’s awake.” 

He heaves a sigh and resigns himself to the reality of the situation. He turns to face Aubrey. “I’m not going to stop you if you want to see. But keep your distance, for Ashe’s sake and your own.” It also might be better to wait, he thinks. But he’s sure Cyril’s informed Aubrey of that already.

The fear is still there, Felix can see it in the way Aubrey holds himself, but he nods. Cyril puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “It’ll be alright. If there’s anything Ashe loves, it’s you. And your sister, and his boyfriends. But definitely you.” 

Aubrey gives Cyril a tentative smile before walking into the courtyard. Felix follows. His eyes are immediately drawn to the cage. He’s been with Ashe during more of these episodes than he can count, but it never gets easier. One moment he’ll be calm, and the next act like he’s been possessed. 

Felix holds out a hand, signaling Cyril and Aubrey to pause. Cyril puts his hand on Aubrey’s shoulder, pulling him back. Aubrey is trembling now, hand over his mouth, and he doesn’t resist. Felix sets his sword down, takes a book out of his satchel, and walks over to the cage. He is careful not to show fear, either with his stance or voice. 

“Ashe.” 

The snarling stops. Felix stands perfectly still as Ashe turns his head to stare. But he’s not prepared when Ashe throws himself against the bars. Felix flinches, gripping the book tight in his hand. He doesn’t look back at Cyril or Aubrey. He keeps his gaze locked on those red eyes as he flips the book open. He doesn’t care where to.

A deep growl reverberates in Ashe’s throat, and Felix can feel the heat of his breath, even with his distance from the cage. He glances down at the page. He recognizes the words immediately. Glenn had recited them to him time and time again, and he could probably repeat them word for word, even without the book.. He swallows the lump that has formed in his throat and begins to read. 

“With a flick of his blade, the knight struck the man’s sword from his hand.”

Felix glances at Ashe, and sees that the beast has stilled. There’s a slight tremble in his form, muscles held taut. At Felix’s pause though, Ashe snarls and lunges at him. 

Felix doesn’t flinch this time. He returns his gaze to the page and continues. “The knight pointed his sword at the man’s throat and said, “To walk this path with me is to walk a path of strife. Yet still, do you hold to your word?”” 

Ashe has backed up from the bars. The beast shakes his head wildly, slamming it into the bars, but the assault is no longer aimed at Felix. His cries are choked, garbled. A mixture of growls, snarls, and whimpers. Felix’s chest tightens at the sounds, but he continues reading.

“Eyes shining, the man nodded his assent. “Yes, I swear to do my utmost and to give you my all. To serve as your squire through thick and thin.””

As he reads, the sounds quiet. He looks back up and sees that the tension is gone from Ashe’s frame. The beast blinks. Felix smiles at him, sadness in his eyes. The story reminds him too much of a time before all of this. He closes the book gently. “Sorry. I’ll read you more later. But right now, someone is here to see you.” 

Felix steps aside and beckons the other two forward. Aubrey’s steps are small, timid, but he still approaches. He stops a few feet from the cage.

“Big Bro?” His voice sounds small in the wide space. He glances to Felix, who gives him an encouraging nod.

At Aubrey’s voice, the beast backs up. One step, then another until he’s pressed up against the opposite wall. He’s hunched low, limbs trembling once again. Felix furrows his brow. Usually, Ashe would lunge at the newcomer. Whether this is a product of their reading session or something more, Felix isn’t sure.

Seeing this though, Aubrey’s eyes widen. And for the first time since they’d told him about his brother, he smiles. He really does look like Ashe then, Felix thinks. Aubrey’s voice is soft, reassuring. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid. It’s just me. And I know that you’re you, no matter what.”

The beast’s nostrils flare, but it doesn’t move. The boy continues with that warm smile. “A lot’s happened since our last letter. Sis and I tried out some of those recipes you sent, and they were pretty good! Not as good as when you cook them, but we’re doing alright.” His eyes widen. “Oh, she’s here too! So when you’re ready to see her...” 

Felix feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see Cyril. “Why don’t we leave em alone. They’ve got a lot to talk about, and I think Aubrey’ll be alright.” Felix hesitates, looking back at the pair. Ashe has crept forward. There’s none of the aggression from before. His approach is slow, almost as timid as Aubrey’s had been. The beast lays his head on the floor of the cage, some distance from the bars. And something about the sight of the two of them calms Felix’s fears. 

“Okay,” he sighs. “Aubrey, you know where my room is. Find me there when you’re done.”

The boy nods, and Felix follows Cyril out of the courtyard. As they leave, he catches whispers of the conversation on the wind. It’s a one-sided conversation, yet complete nonetheless. He looks down at the book, still in his hand, brushing his fingers lightly over the cover. And he can’t help but think of Glenn. 

“What’re you smiling about?” 

Cyril’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts, and Felix’s face flushes red. “I’m not.”

“You are,” Cyril retorts. Then he sighs. “Well, whatever. Not my business. I got cleaning to do, so I’ll see you later.” 

Felix waves dismissively, cheeks still warm. “Sure sure. And... sorry about earlier. I know Ashe didn’t mean it, not really.”

Cyril frowns. “You don’t have to tell me that. But thanks, for the apology. Honestly, I didn’t know why Ashe loved a guy like you, but I guess I get it now. You’re alright.” 

He claps Felix on the shoulder and then walks off without waiting for a reply. Felix stows the book in his satchel and makes his way towards his room, mulling over thoughts that are more sentimental than he’d like to admit. 

He stops when he sees Dimitri, standing by the gardens. There’s a faraway look in the man’s eye, and he doesn’t seem to notice Felix’s approach. Felix has half a mind to just pass him by, but some small measure of guilt stops him. 

“Boar.”

Dimitri starts and looks over. He smiles apologetically upon seeing Felix. “Oh, Felix. Is there something I can help you with?”

Felix sighs. “I wanted to apologize. For earlier.”

Dimitri looks at Felix, perplexed, but then shakes his head. “Ah that. No need for apologies. I can imagine that that was a stressful situation. Did you ever find the boy?”

Felix frowns. Why is Dimitri always so damn understanding? He gives a short nod. “Yeah, it turned out fine.”

Dimitri breathes a sigh. “That’s a relief.” He pauses, mouth open as if to say something, but then shakes his head. “Well, I should let you go. Sylvain was asking for you earlier.”

Felix frowns. “Right.” The silence stretches between them a moment longer before Felix turns and continues down the path. He doesn’t need to look back to know that Dimitri is staring after him.

\---

**Sylvain **

Sylvain looks up as the door to their room opens. He smiles at the sight of Felix. Felix, who looks quite bedraggled after running around the monastary, he notes. He puts a finger up to his lips, gesturing to Arlie, who is asleep beside him. Seeing that Aubrey isn’t with Felix, Sylvain gives the man a questioning look. Felix goes to sit beside him, leaning his head on Sylvain’s shoulder. 

“Aubrey is with Ashe. He’ll come here after he’s done.” His words are hushed, but Sylvain finds comfort in them all the same. He nods and pulls Felix close. He can feel the tension in the man’s shoulders, despite how Felix leans into him. He kisses Felix on the cheek. “It’s been one heck of a day, huh?” His lover laughs, low, quiet, taking Sylvain’s hand in his.

“Yeah. Sorry for leaving you, earlier.”

Sylvain waves with a grin. “Don’t even sweat it Darling. Arlie and I had a fun baking session with Mercie. Plus Godd- er, I know I wasn’t ready to sprint after that kid. Physically sure, but imagine the emotional toil.”

He lays one hand dramatically over his face, leaning over onto Felix, who snorts and pushes him away. They both freeze as Arlie shifts in her sleep. Felix shoots a scathing look at Sylvain, who smiles sheepishly in return. Maybe he’d taken it a little too far. He straightens the blanket over her, and turns back to Felix. “But thanks, for finding him. I can’t imagine it was pretty.”

Felix is quiet for a moment. The expression on his face is unreadable, a rare occurrence for Sylvain especially. He knows Felix better than just about anyone, and he feels a small spike of anxiety seeing that. It’s been bothering him since earlier, but he can feel the gears in his head working over what should be nothing. 

“He remembered Aubrey.”

Felix’s words catch Sylvain off guard, and it must show on his face because Felix looks at him defensively. “I know it sounds stupid, but I swear the way Ashe acted with him-“

Felix’s words stop as Sylvain puts a finger up to his lips. The way Felix is looking at him right now, open and uncertain, makes Sylvain want to pull him even closer. But there’s that little pang of anxiety again, so he refrains. Instead, he says,

“It’s okay. I believe you.” He lifts his finger from Felix’s lips, moving to trace the curve of his jawline. “Sometimes, when I’m with him, I swear that he knows me. And with the stories you read to him, and everything else? I can’t help but think that...”

“Ashe is still in there,” Felix finishes. It’s both a question and a statement. An idea that both of them hope for, but neither of them know the truth of.

“Yeah.” 

Felix sighs, and loops an arm around Sylvain. Sylvain allows Felix to pull him back onto the bed, though he’s careful to not let his weight fall too heavily, too quickly, for fear of disturbing Arlie. They lay there next to Arlie. It’s not a comfortable silence, not exactly. That anxiety pricks at the back of Sylvain’s scalp, making him restless despite the warmth of Felix’s embrace. Eventually, Sylvain breaks the silence. 

“Hey Felix, I’m sorry.” Sylvain keeps his gaze on the ceiling, but he feels the bed shift as Felix turns to look at him.

“For what?”

He glances at Arlie, checking that she’s still asleep. Once he’s sure, he says, “For getting us into this mess. I’m not as good as a fighter as you, and I brought my family’s lance to that battle, _ which _my father only gave me because I have the Gautier crest.”

He hears Felix draw in a breath to speak. Sylvain’s throat is becoming tight, and he can feel the familiar sting of tears in his eyes, but he ignores them and adds, “I’m not looking for comfort, or anything. I just wanted to say that I’m-“

The rest of his words are muffled as Felix cups a hand over his mouth. Sylvain’s lover is leaning over him now, and, illuminated in the firelight, the intensity in his eyes makes Sylvain realize that maybe he’s crossed some line. Felix’s hair hangs loose, hairtie lost somewhere in the sheets, and Sylvain smiles nervously under Felix’s hand. He nudges it, but Felix doesn’t budge.

“Uh, Darling?” His voice comes out muffled. He hopes that this is just payback for shushing Felix earlier, but, even before Felix speaks, he knows better. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Felix’s whisper is harsher this time, filled with a fierce determination. He lifts his hand from Sylvain’s mouth and sits back. His fists are clenched, and Sylvain props himself up cautiously. 

“It’s not your fault that you have a crest or that lance. And fine, you could have trained instead of flirting, but anyone can get hurt on the battlefield. Glenn died, and he was stronger than any of us.” Tears brim in his eyes as as well, and there’s bitterness in his voice. He turns away, wiping at them furiously. Dark strands of hair fall across his shoulders, obscuring his face. 

“I couldn’t do anything either. I saw what was happening, and I couldn’t do a damned thing.”

Sylvain knows Felix is talking about losing Ashe, but he hears the echo of the Tragedy in Felix’s tone, in the way his body is shaking, in his speaking Glenn’s name.

“Felix.” Sylvain’s words are hesitant, but he moves to sit by his lover’s side. He rubs small circles into the man’s back. “It wasn’t your fault either. Not what happened to Ashe. Not what happened to Glenn.” He smiles. “Plus, you saved me, didn’t you? That's something, at least.”

Felix turns towards Sylvain, showing a face streaked with tears. “I-“ Felix starts to speak, but his words are choked. He struggles to draw in a breath, trying to find his words. Sylvain understands, even without them.

He leans over and presses a kiss onto each of Felix’s eyelids. He wraps his lover in an embrace and strokes the back of his head, leaning his chin on Felix's shoulder. “I’m sorry I said it like that,” he murmurs. “What happened wasn’t anyone’s fault. And we'll figure this out.”

He feels Felix nod and his lover returns the embrace. They stay there, holding each other until their tears dry, until Aubrey returns to them. And the remnants of Ashe’s family rest then, finding some comfort in each other’s company. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the fic will be organized into episode-style snapshots. Just ideas that I thought would make sense or would be fun to explore!
> 
> This one was a bit longer, so it's going to be split into four parts :^) Had a hard time writing this part, so it's also a bit rough ;;
> 
> Update 11/5/19: Decided to just keep it in one chapter, since it makes more sense later on. Loosely edited


	7. Sylvain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood

Sylvain bursts into the courtyard, Felix close behind. They’re out of breath, having sprinted all the way from the monastery entrance. Sylvain leans on his knees, taking a moment to recover, but he hears Felix's sharp intake of breath and knows that it's bad. He raises his head, looking at the scene before them.

The bars are battered and newly reinforced, strips of metal interlacing to form a mesh. It obscures the sight of Ashe laying on the floor of the cage. Squares of light illuminate the black scales and streaks of red. Dried blood encrusts wounds where he’d battered himself against the walls of the cage. He raises his head at their approach, but drops it just a moment later. “Goddess-“ Sylvain murmurs. Felix is silent, but his fists are clenched, trembling. 

The smith catches up to them, even more out of breath than the two lovers. 

“What happened?” Felix’s voice is sharper than usual. Worry casting aside any measure of inhibition he usually held.

She scratches her head. “It- it loses it when you two are gone. We were worried it’d really get out this time.”

Felix whirls around to face the smith, anger in his eyes. “He. Not it, he. He’s not just some animal that you can call as you please.” The disgust in his voice is palpable. 

The smith flinches, and Sylvain puts a hand on Felix’s shoulder. “Felix.” His tone has a measure of warning in it, but he gets where the man is coming from. He’s seen the looks people give them around the monastery. The silent questions, avoiding eyes. He would have snapped if Felix hadn’t. 

But Felix did, and now Sylvain has to be the voice of reason. He smiles at the smith. “Sorry, we’re both a little tense from that last mission.”

Felix glares at him, but the smith nods. “No, it was my mistake. I hope you’re able to help him, once the war is over.”

Felix’s shoulders slump, and Sylvain can feel the tension drain out of the man. He’s exhausted. They both are. “Thank you,” Felix says.

The smith nods again, hesitating for a moment before taking her leave. Sylvain turns to Felix, pulling him closer. “Hey, you okay?” It feels like he’s asking that question a lot these days, but he can’t help but worry.

The smaller man sighs and leans into him. “I- Sorry. I know it bothers you as much as it does me.” 

Sylvain presses a kiss into the man’s hair. “It’s okay. I understand.” 

Felix looks up at the man. They’re so close that their foreheads are touching, and from there Sylvain can every detail of Felix’s face. The slight knit of his brow, the dark circles under his eyes. Not for the first tome, Sylvain wishes that he could make it all better.

They stay like that for a long moment, gazing at each other, finding solace in the other’s presence. Then Felix leans up and kisses him. Sylvain closes just eyes as Felix’s lips brush against his own. Felix is insistent, searching, and for a moment Sylvain forgets about the war. There’s just Felix. Felix’s arms around his waist. Felix pulling him closer. Felix’s warm breath on his skin. Felix, Felix, Felix. 

And then he opens his eyes. He sees the cage there, and he remembers. It’s the guilt that makes him pull away first. Even though he knows Ashe would never want him to feel that way, he can’t help it. For months it’s just been him and Felix. The ordeal has brought them closer together, even as much as it’s strained them, and he can feel the change in their relationship. He doesn't know if things will ever go back to the way they were, and something about that terrifies him. Felix reluctantly lets him go, question in his gaze. 

“We should get Mercedes,” Sylvain says. 

Felix follows Sylvain’s eyes, and Sylvain sees the same realization dawn on him. “Right,” he murmurs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few parts are mostly done being edited, so I'll have them up soon! 
> 
> This whole fic is sort of a large brush strokes deal, where I wanted to get out ideas. So it's a little lacking in details, but I hope that the ideas can still reach those of you reading this. And thank you for reading this far! It really means a lot. I don't always know how to reply to comments, but I see them, and I appreciate them! They've definitely brightened up my day when things have been hard, so thank you for that.


	8. Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix has some reconciliations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Alright, if you’re here you might be a bit confused about where Dedue came from. I goofed a bit on what happenings should be where, so the current chapter 5 is new in addition to this chapter.
> 
> Sorry for any confusion ;;’ We’re getting there

It’s during one of Ashe’s calmer times that Dedue stops by again. Felix is in the middle of some story about a knight when he hears the heavy footsteps approach. He’s grown to recognize them, with Dedue’s frequent visits, and he lays the book on his lap. “Dedue.”

Dedue smiles and gestures to the ground beside Felix. “May I?”

Felix shrugs, but Dedue’s smile is damn near contagious. Felix can see why Ashe and the man get along. “Knock yourself out. I’ve taken care of the plants already, so no need to concern yourself there.” 

The man settles next to him. “Thank you. I apologize for not being able to stop by more often. His Majesty’s work has grown greatly ever since the Alliance and Kingdom merged.” Dedue looks at the plants and his gaze softens. “You’ve taken good care of them.”

Felix scoffs. “I should be thanking you. Really. You don’t have to do this, and yet you do.”

Dedue looks at Ashe, who is looking towards them. There’s no disgust on the man’s face. No fear. Only a gentle tenderness that is so uniquely Dedue. “No need for thanks. He’s my friend as well,” Dedue says. 

Felix shakes his head, but he can’t help smiling. “You’re the same as always.”

Dedue raises an eyebrow, but Felix doesn’t feel like elaborating. Instead, he holds the book up. “While you’re here, why not read with us? I think you’d be good for the knight’s part.” 

Dedue furrows his brow. “I’m not opposed, but I feel that that might complicate things for you.”

Felix shakes his head. “It’ll be fine. Sylvain and I have done it before, although he makes an atrocious Loog. Have you ever heard of a raunchy Loog? Well, now you have.” He shakes his head. “Plus, I’m sure Ashe would enjoy hearing you.”

Dedue is quiet, considering, but eventually he nods and scoots closer to Felix. Felix points at the page. “Here.” Dedue scans the page. “The knight’s sword cleaved his foe in two...” 

—-

They read like that for a while, side by side. Just like they’d gardened together and protected each other on the battlefield.

After a time, Dedue pauses. “I should be going.” 

Felix looks up as Dedue rises from his spot on the ground. It’s been one chapter already. One chapter full of enough lengthy prose and chivalry to satisfy even the most avid fan of knights. Honestly, Felix is surprised that the man has stayed that long. 

Dedue bows. “My thanks for allowing me to join you two.”

Felix sighs. “Again with the thanks. Enough.” He sets the book aside and rises to face Dedue. “If we’re friends, you don’t need to thank me.”

“Are we?” 

There’s genuine curiosity in Dedue’s voice, and Felix’s second sigh is even more exasperated than the first. “I didn’t intend it, but yes. I consider you a friend. You have your endearing traits. Despite your blind loyalty to the Boar.”

The smile returns to Dedue’s face, and his expression softens. “I’m glad.”

Felix runs a hand through his hair and averts his gaze. He doesn’t know how Dedue can be so sincere, and in so few words. He can’t say he isn’t happy about it, though. “Yeah, yeah. Oh, and you should tell the Boar to take a rest. He’ll work himself to death, at this rate.”

“I’ll be sure to convey your concern to him.” Dedue’s words are sincere, but there’s a teasing touch to his voice. Felix grimaces.

“Nevermind. Don’t.”

Dedue’s expression becomes serious. “He’d be happy to hear that you’re concerned, you know.” 

Felix crosses his arms. “I don’t much care what the Boar thinks.”

Dedue eyes Felix doubtfully but nods. “Very well. I’ll see you another time.”

Felix waves him off. “Right, another time.”

He doesn't relax until Dedue's footsteps are out of earshot. He sighs and leans back against the cage. What is he doing? He shouldn't be bothered by Dimitri, not after all these years. He has more important things to be worrying about than some beast in human skin. 

The irony of the thought isn’t lost on him. For months, he's been doing the reverse. Worrying about a human in beast's form. A small voice nags at him, a remnant from before the Tragedy, and, briefly, he wonders if he's been too harsh with Dimitri. Just as quickly, he discards the idea. Ridiculous.

Something presses against Felix's back, startling him out of his thoughts. He freezes and, slowly, turns his head up. He catches a glimpse of the dark spines and glowing red eyes, and curses himself for his carelessness. He doesn't dare move. Hardly dares to even breathe. He can feel the hot air, the hard snout pressed against his back. 

And then he's being shoved- No, the movement is too gentle to be called that. Nuzzled. That's the word for it, if a creature of Ashe's size can do that. Ashe lets out a low whine. Slowly, ever so slowly, Felix turns around.

It's an intimidating sight. Even though he knows it's Ashe, he can't help but see the jagged fangs, the strange thread-like flesh, remember that day when they’d lost him. The bloodied jaws, the anguish.

Felix’s breaths are coming short, shallow. Calm down, he needs to calm down. It’s in the past. They’re fine now, they’ll end this war, and they’re going to make everything alright, and they’ll get Ashe back and- 

Ashe whines again and presses his head against Felix’s trembling hand. The touch brings Felix back to reality. He takes a shaky breath, doing his best to calm his racing heart. The whole time, Ashe doesn’t move. A low rumble rises in his throat. It’s not quite a growl, not quite a complaint, and there’s something oddly pleasing about the sound. Felix absentmindedly runs his hands over Ashe’s snout, trying to gather his thoughts.

Eventually, Felix finds his words. “Do you want me to read to you? Dedue left, so he can’t, but I’m... I can if you want?” The words are more uncertain than he likes.

Ashe snorts, and Felix sighs, growing a little frustrated despite himself. “I can’t understand you if you don’t talk to me. Obviously you can’t talk, but I’m not some mind reader-”

He stops. Can’t understand if he doesn't talk to him... 

Dimitri never talked to him. Even though they’d been best friends, he didn’t come to Felix. Not once. But it wasn’t just that. Felix never talked to him, still hasn’t, save for angry quips or poisonous words. Sure there were the early attempts, but it had never gone beyond Dimitri’s tired smile and empty reassurances.

Again that question comes to Felix. Why is he doing this? Why does he still, as much as he hates to admit it, why does he still care? Dimitri is dead. He died in the tragedy, with Glenn and everyone else. But some part of Felix can’t let him go. And that’s a truth Felix hates, more than the stories about knights, maybe even more than the war. 

Felix returns his gaze to Ashe, who still waits, patiently, at the bars. Felix shakes his head. “No. I’m not talking to him.”

He doesn’t know if this is what Ashe is conveying, but he hardly cares anymore. He forgets his fear, forgets that he’s mere inches from those fangs. 

“Talk to who?” 

The voice makes his blood run cold, and he whips around to see Dimitri standing there. The King would have looked innocuous to anyone else, what with the sack under his arm and his doe-like expression. Dimitri’s eye widens, and he bows. “My apologies. I did not intend to eavesdrop. Dedue wanted to bring more fertilizer for the plants, but he was on cooking duty so I-”

“I don’t care what your intentions were,” Felix snarls. “You’ve got no right to-”

A growl cuts his words short. Felix stops and looks back at Ashe. He can’t read emotion on the beast’s face, but it’s a clear cut a warning. Dimitri also steps forward at the sound. He reaches his hand out, dropping the sack in his arms, but stops just short of Felix’s wrist. Slowly, Dimitri returns it to his side and bows again.

“You’re right. I can only offer my word, but it will not happen again.”

Felix glances at Ashe and swallows his anger. “Fine.” He’s silent for a moment, wondering what to say. Is there anything to say at all?

Dimitri hesitates and then picks up the sack of fertilizer. He leans it against the wall and nods. “Alright, I will be going now. Take care of yourself Felix.” 

As the King begins to walk away, Felix comes to a decision. His voice rings out across the courtyard. “What are you?”

Dimitri stops and turns back towards Felix, question in his eye. 

Felix continues. “You were my friend before. Now- now I don’t know.” He takes a step forward but stops. “Why didn’t you talk to me? To Ingrid or Sylvain? We were all there. We were all waiting for you to come back to us, but you never did. Not the real you.”

Dimitri is facing him fully now. His expression is troubled, something unreadable lying beneath it.

“It’s true that I withdrew from all of you.” His words are slow, heavy. “I thought that the burden of those who died was mine alone to bear. And I still believe that, to some extent. But it was not right to you or Ingrid or anyone else.” He meets Felix’s gaze. “But you’re also mistaken Felix.” 

Felix frowns. “About what?”

“The me with you, now, is just as real as the me when I’m on the battlefield. I can never go back to who I was before the Tragedy. I can only do my best in the present, to be here for my friends and the people of Faerghus. And to make amends if I can.”

He nods at the cage, and Felix turns to see that Ashe is still watching them. The scar on his chest, the one from all those months ago, is just barely visible. Felix turns back to face Dimitri. There’s no plea in the king’s words, no deception. And that’s almost as painful as the truth.

Felix knows that he’s the one who has to make the first move. Dimitri’s tried, but he isn’t the only one who turned away. Felix has turned his back on him for years. But he can’t get the words out. There’s too much uncertainty, too many years of stubborn decisions and rejection. As much as he wants to reach out his hand, he can’t. It’s too late for that.

A rumble makes him turn around. Ashe tilts his head and lets out another whine. Again, he doesn’t have any words. But Felix thinks that he gets his meaning. Felix sighs. Ashe is oddly persuasive, always had been. 

Fuck it. Who says when it’s too late? It’s not up to him to make the decision for both of them. He can only reach out and hope for the best. Felix swallows and says,

“I’d... like for us to be friends again. I know that things can never go back to the way they were, Goddess knows that, but even still...”

He holds out his hand. Dimitri’s eye widens but then he smiles. It’s gentle and joyous all in one. Charming even, Felix thinks. He takes Felix’s hand, and Felix is struck by just how warm Dimitri’s hand is. Just like all those years ago, when he’d comfort Felix after yet another bout of tears. When Felix would follow after him. When they were the best of friends. And Dimitri’s answer is every bit as warm as those memories.

“I’d like that too.” 


	9. Sylvain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain talks with Marianne

It’s one of the bad days. Sylvain can hear Ashe’s roars before he even gets to the courtyard. His throat tightens, and he picks up his pace. He knows there isn’t much he can do. He knows it, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying before.

He’s running by the time he reaches the entryway but he stops, seeing something that he hadn’t expected. 

Marianne is there again. 

Her head is bent in prayer, even as Ashe snaps and snarls at her from behind the mesh. She’s one of Ashe’s more frequent visitors, and Sylvain can’t wrap his head around why. She and Ashe had been amiable to each other but weren’t really close. There’s the need for healing, but Mercedes is usually the one to take care of that and less so, after they realized it doesn’t always work. According to Hanneman, it’s something about the crest stone’s influence, how it creates Ashe’s body. Sylvain doesn’t totally get it, but it’s caused sleepless nights for him and Felix both. 

He shakes his head. Not the time to worry about that now.

“Marianne!” 

He realizes his mistake as Ashe turns towards his shout. The beast’s efforts become more frenzied, and the metal quakes with the ferocity of the assault. He curses himself. He has to stay calm, not rile Ashe up. 

Marianne turns towards Sylvain too, eyes wide. Her lips move, but he can’t hear her over the noise Ashe is making. Sylvain walks over to her. It’s hard not to just break out into a sprint, but he’s already made things worse. Not going to happen again. He hopes anyway. She points towards the entrance and mouths a few words. He misses most of them but gets the idea. They make their way out of the courtyard to a nearby bench, where the sounds are still present but no longer deafening.

“Sorry about that. I just saw you there- and with the noise I-“ Sylvain stumbles over his words, but she gives him a smile and a quiet shake of her head.

“It’s okay. I know this must be hard for you.”

He starts to shrug but then stops. Goddess what was the point? They all know he’s a wreck. No use trying to hide it. Not with this anyway. He sits down on the bench with a sigh.

“Yeah. I just- I don’t know what to do. Felix is stressed, I’m stressed, Ashe has been stuck like- that.” He waves an arm in the general direction of the noises. “And I don’t even know if there’s a solution at the end of this.”

The words feel laughably honest. Marianne takes a seat next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “We’re all here for you. Whether or not the Goddess wills it, we’ll find a path forward.”

He knows the words are meant to be reassuring, but he can’t help but feel a little miffed at them. It isn’t fair. He _ knows _ it isn’t fair, but the feeling is there all the same. He’s tired of people tiptoeing around him and Felix, treating them like they’ll break at any second. And he knows Felix is too. He opens his mouth, some scathing reply on his tongue, but swallows back the words.

She doesn’t deserve that. No one does, but especially not her. Instead, he forces a smile and nods. 

“Yeah, thanks Marianne.” 

She holds his gaze just a bit too long for his comfort, and her brow furrows. “I’ve done something to upset you, haven’t I?”

He pauses for just a bit too long before shaking his head. “No, it’s not you! I’ve just... been hearing that a lot recently. And I appreciate it, it’s just hard.” 

She looks out across the monastery and gives a small nod. “It’s alright if you are. Dimitri once told me that there’s no need to smile as your soul bleeds.” She hesitates, glancing back at Sylvain. “What I’m trying to say is, that it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to be angry. Those emotions aren’t good or bad. They just are.” She puts her hand over his. Her touch is gentle, almost like gossamer. “So don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling.” 

Sylvain looks back up at her. Her brown eyes don’t match the lightness of her hand. The way that the sunlight strikes them, giving them an amber glow, highlights the steadfast expression on her face. He finds himself caught in that gaze. She’s changed so much from who she was at the academy. He smiles, sincerely this time. “You’ve really grown Marianne, you know that?”

She gives him that gentle, radiant smile. “Thank you Sylvain. And if you do ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

Sylvain is glad that she can smile like that now. He grins. “Thanks Marianne. I’ll think about it.” He looks at her curiously. “But what about you? How are you and Mercie doing?”

Marianne glances to the side. “Mercie... is taking Emile’s death hard. She’s trying to move forward, but he was very precious to her and I don’t know if...” She trails off. 

Sylvain hesitates and then wraps an arm around her. “Mercie will be alright. She’s tougher than she looks, and she has you.” 

He feels extremely hypocritical, with their conversation just now, but he knows that it’s true. He’s seen Mercie around, and she always looks happier with Marianne by her side. Even now. 

Marianne looks up at him, wide-eyed, and then wipes her eyes. “I- Thank you Sylvain.” She looks back at him. “Your brother died while we were still at the academy, right?”

Sylvain freezes. He’s tried not to think about Miklan, but it’s hard with the nightmares and Ashe’s appearance. They look the same. Exactly the same, from the red eyes, to the stony-looking scales, to the hideous claws. His mind keeps flashing back to the tower, to that last shudder as his blade sank into his brother’s flesh. He’s gotten better with it over time, but even still...

He pulls his arm back and scratches his head. Sylvain finds his smile and the familiar words that he recites whenever someone asks about Miklan. “Yeah, he was a real piece of work though. Tried to kill me plenty of times when we were kids, so I’m not too broken up about him being gone now.”

Marianne tilts her head, question on her lips, but Sylvain stands up. He’s not ready for whatever she wants to ask. “I should probably go see Ashe, but thanks for the talk Marianne.” Marianne’s expression is troubled, and he feels a twinge of guilt. He smiles in some small effort to cheer her up. “Uh Marianne, if you and Annette need help planning something nice for Mercie, let me know. I’ll be there. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to rope Felix into it too!” 

She smiles a little, at that. Bright and true, and that’s enough for Sylvain. "I'll keep that in mind. Good luck Sylvain."

He nods and hurries to the courtyard.

\---

“Is it alright if I ask you something Marianne?”

Marianne looks up from where she’s knelt by the cage. They’ve been there for some time, making plans and running them by Ashe. “Of course, what is it?”

“I’ve seen you with Ashe a lot. Not a lot a lot, not like too much, but I was wondering... why? I know how hard it is to be here, even if you didn’t- don’t know him well.”

He’s seen the expression on her face when she’s visiting Ashe. It’s pained, but there’s something more to it that he can’t quite grasp.

Her eyes widen at the question, and she glances down. “I-“ 

Sylvain puts his hands up. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, I was just curious. Felix and I both appreciate you being with him, no matter the reason.”

She looks around, hesitant, and her gaze settles on Ashe. “I just- I can relate to him a little.”

Sylvain raises his eyebrows. “You can? But I mean, you’re one of the sweetest people I know. A far cry from...” He trails off. He keeps catching himself thinking things he doesn’t mean. He gives Ashe an apologetic look, but it's lost on his lover. Ashe is staring at Marianne, head tilted, as she speaks. 

Marianne nods. “I don’t think of myself as a monster, not anymore. But I remember how it feels to fear that.” She folds her hands and looks down. “To have it happen... I can’t imagine the suffering he must be going through.”

Sylvain’s gaze softens. “Marianne...”

She sighs and pulls her arms close to herself. “I’m not much help though. Not like you or Felix. All I can do is be here with him and pray that the Goddess ease his pain a little.”

Sylvain shakes his head adamantly. “No way. You do so much just by being here. And he appreciates your company, I think.” He smiles at Ashe. “Right? Hard not to be cheered up when Marianne’s around.”

Ashe presses his head to the bars and lets out a rumble. Marianne smiles and moves closer to brush her fingers over his snout. Sylvain is always surprised that she can touch him so casually. Most people don’t. 

“You two are sweet,” she laughs. Her expression becomes somber, and she turns to face Ashe fully. “But we’ll find an answer soon Ashe. Then, we can get your input on these for real.”

Sylvain nods. The closer they get to Enbarr, the more nervous he feels. He wasn’t able to help Miklan, before or after his transformation. But he’s going to save Ashe. 

That will come with time though. For now, he turns back to Marianne and smiles. "Alright, so you said this one was in stock right? I think the color would go pretty well with her eyes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain decided that Sylvain wasn't being self-destructive enough ig, so here we are. Not quite resolved and very messy, but I wanted to explore bits of Sylvain's issues and how Marianne might relate to Ashe's situation. Definitely wish that I'd explored the Miklan aspect earlier. The next couple chapters are fairly finished idea-wise, so it probably won't come up again, but food for thought at least! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading though! I'm really excited for the next couple parts, and I hope to share them soon!


	10. Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're in this together

Felix steps into their bedroom. Sylvain is already there, illuminated by the single, flickering flame of a candle. It almost looks like his hair is aglow, and Felix pauses and the entryway to take him in. The man is bent over a book (unusual, Felix notes), but he smiles at the sight of Felix. “Hey, you’re back late.” The redhead closes the book and sets it aside. “Out training?” 

Felix slips off his coat and boots, tossing one over a chair and the other by the door. “Reading session, actually,” he replies with a smile. 

Sylvain grins. “You’ve become quite the reader Darling.” 

Felix shrugs as he pulls off his turtleneck. “I could say the same of you. What’s the book about?” 

Felix sees the way that Sylvain hesitates before answering. The man’s grin mellows into a sad smile, and Felix’s chest tightens at the sight. It’s Sylvain’s turn to shrug now. “Oh, just history of the relics, crest stones, the like.”

“Sylvain-” Felix starts to speak, but his lover cuts him off.

“It’s alright, I was just curious.” He returns his gaze to Felix and smiles. “But enough about that. Why don’t you come to bed? You look like you’ve had a long day.”

Felix glances at the bed, rumpled sheets and all. The Professor had made special arrangements when the three of them had started dating. They’d protested at first, but she’d insisted and made sure that it was perfect for them. Within what their supplies during wartime could allow, of course. She’s always been that way. Quiet, but unerringly supportive. 

Looking at the bed now though, Felix’s heart feels empty. Even though Ashe isn’t there, his presence lingers. The stacks of books on the nightstand. A dried violet left in a vase. And that bed, which had been perfect before, now feels too big for the two of them alone. 

“Fi?”

Felix realizes that he’s been spacing out and shakes his head. Half to clear it of those thoughts, half to let Sylvain know that he’s there. “Sorry, I’m coming.” He sees the concern in Sylvain’s brown eyes, but he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t just make himself feel better. So instead, he says nothing, just slips under the covers and curls up by Sylvain’s side. 

Sylvain leans over to the nightstand and blows out the candle. The room is plunged into darkness. Sylvain wraps one arm around him, other hand untying his dark hair with practiced ease. Felix leans his head on the man’s chest, enjoying the feeling of Sylvain’s fingers running through his hair. The man’s chest hair tickles his cheek, and he idly knots his fingers through it as they settle in. 

“How are you holding up?” Sylvain’s voice is soft, but Felix feels the rumble of it in the man’s chest. 

Felix knows Sylvain is worried. He’s equally worried about Sylvain, he’s sure. “I’m here, I’m alive.” 

Sylvain clicks his tongue, and Felix can practically hear the frown in his voice. “That’s hardly saying anything right now. It’s okay if you’re not okay, you know. I’m there with you.” 

Felix cups one hand around Sylvain’s cheek. “What of you then?” His voice is soft, losing the edge that it usually holds. It’s a voice that he reserves only for Sylvain. And Ashe. 

His lover’s breath tickles Felix’s skin as the man heaves a sigh. “I’m worried.”

Felix knows that this too, this vulnerability, is something Sylvain shows only to a select few. For all his posturing, Felix knows trust doesn’t come easily for his lover. Trust of others or himself. Felix remains silent, leaving space for the man to speak. 

“The battles are only going to get harder, and I can’t help but think... what if- what if we don’t find an answer at the end of it? What if Ashe is stuck like that forever?”

The very thought makes Felix sick. They’ve already imprisoned him for months. Treated him like an animal. Even if by necessity, it’s still wrong. The thought of doing it for the rest of their lives, maybe even longer, it would be more of a mercy to- 

Felix grits his teeth, refusing to finish the thought. “It won’t come to that. If Edelgard doesn’t have a solution, we’ll make one.” The sharpness is back in his tone. 

Sylvain nods, but the uncertainty is clear in his voice. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

Felix feels guilty then. They’re both suffering, Sylvain even more so, what with his family’s lance at the heart of it. But Felix is always the one who snaps first, and then Sylvain has to deal with the fallout. 

He takes a shaky breath and runs his thumb over Sylvain’s cheek. “Sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at this damned war, at Rhea and her secrets. It feels like all we can do is fight, and I hate it.” 

Sylvain pulls Felix closer. His scent is familiar, comforting, a faint whiff of cologne mixed with metal and earth, and the tension in Felix’s body eases just a little. Sylvain strokes the back of his head. “It’s okay. I know.”

“It’s not.”

The words cut the air between them like a blade. 

Felix pulls back to look at Sylvain. “You said that I don’t have to be okay, but what about you? You always have that smile on your face, but I know you’re hurting. It’s not fair for me to always be the one to-“ His words falter. To what? To be angry? To make Sylvain deal with the problems he caused? He doesn’t know. 

So instead, he leans up and kisses Sylvain, hoping that the gesture can convey all the care that he can’t put into words. Sylvain is caught by surprise, but he soon reciprocates. The kiss is gentle. There’s no scrape of teeth, no urgency. Just them, together.

They part, and Felix does his best to meet Sylvain’s eyes in the low light of the moon. 

“I want to be there for you too. We’re in this together, so don’t act as if you have to shoulder the burdens on your own.”

As he speaks, he feels his lover’s tears gathering under his fingers. Sylvain takes Felix’s hand in his own and presses it against his trembling lips. “Right. We’re in this together.” 

And for the first time in a while, in that space with the two of them, it feels like things might be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there. Thank you for reading this far! This is probably one of my favorites of the chapters, and I hope that it was enjoyable!


	11. Sylvain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Blue lions invade Enbarr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, death, major character death, violence

**Sylvain**

Sylvain and Felix walk to the courtyard, hands intertwined. Over the months, they’d grown familiar with this secluded corner. With its violets, with the tales and conversations that had echoed within its walls. 

“Hey Ashe.” 

Sylvain can see his shape, just barely, through the mesh that now makes up his prison. The beast rises at their approach and walks over to a window that the smith had made, peering one red eye through it. Sylvain smiles.

“We’re here to say goodbye. We’re invading Enbarr, and there’s no telling what will happen. So just in case...” 

Ashe tilts his head and whines. 

Felix waves a hand. “But we’re not planning on dying on you, just so that’s clear. We’re going to find a way to get you back to normal.”

Sylvain nods. “That means we’ll be gone for a while though. So please... take care of yourself okay? Try not to hurt yourself too bad. Mercie won’t be here to patch you up.” He means the last part as a joke, but it’s true, really. 

Ashe whines again, butting his head against the bars. The gesture lacks any real force, but Sylvain can guess what he means. It hurts Sylvain’s heart. The idea that, even in this state, Ashe is still worried about them. The thought only reinforces his conviction. He has to help Ashe out of this. 

He shares a glance with Felix. Neither of them has the heart to tell Ashe what will happen if they don’t return. Even if they themselves fall, their friends have promised to take care of him, but all of them are going to be in danger. If they lose, and the Empire takes over Fódlan... well, better to be dead than used as a tool for killing. They’ve all agreed on that, but it doesn’t make it any easier to think about.

The sound of footsteps makes Sylvain turn, and he sees Ingrid there. Felix turns too. “Is it time?” he asks. His voice is soft, reluctant. 

She nods. Sylvain gives Felix’s hand a squeeze, and Felix returns the gesture. They turn back to their lover. “Alright Ashe. We’ll see you soon. And I promise, if- when we come back, we’ll put this whole nightmare behind us.”

Felix walks up to the window, and places a hand on the beast’s snout. There’s no fear this time. Only the tenderness that he shows. “I love you. We both do,” he says.

Felix jerks his hand away as Ashe shakes his head. The beast rears back and howls. The sound conveys all the anguish that he can’t put into words, and the three are forced to cover their ears. He slams himself into the wall of the cage, causing the structure to shudder. The steel holds true, but Sylvain can’t help but flinch. 

Felix’s hand moves to his satchel, but Ingrid puts a hand on his arm and shakes her head. “Let him grieve.” There’s both sadness and understanding in her gaze.

Felix opens his mouth but then closes his eyes and nods. Sylvain takes his hand again, and, with one last glance back, they follow after Ingrid.  Ashe’s howls follow them out of the courtyard, and echo through Sylvain’s head long after they’ve marched past the monastery’s walls.

\---

**The beast**

Its howls die out eventually, leaving its throat raw and its mind in a haze. They’re gone. They’re gone, and it’s alone. They’re gone, and they’re not coming back. 

Those impulses the make its blood burn wrack it ceaselessly in the days following their departure. It’s barely cognizant as it drives itself against its prison, gouging itself on the already blood-stained metal. Driven by the need to escape and devour and kill. But there’s something more. Something that it can’t remember, consumed as it is.

Its legs buckle eventually, worn by the constant struggles. And in that exhaustion, when its body no longer drives it, it remembers.

It has to protect them. 

It doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s the stories, or the care that they’ve shown. The kindness in their voices, holding something within them that it can’t understand. But it doesn’t matter why. It knows this for certain.

It rests for a few moments longer and then drags itself up. Its muscles scream at the effort, but it doesn’t have time to lay around.

Some old instinct guides it, and it considers the walls of its cage. Window, too small to fit through. Two walls, bent and battered from previous attempts. A third, but there’s something different about it. It walks over and pushes against the metal. It rattles. A little more experimentation shows that it budges up and down. Sliding door. 

It would have been hard to move when the cage was just bars, but with the mesh... It hooks the spines on its head through the steel and jerks it upwards. The metal jolts, but doesn’t give. It repeats the motion once, then twice. On the third time, there’s a snap and the door slides free of the base of the cage. 

The beast pushes the door up the rest of the way, and walks out of its prison. The exit to the courtyard is right there. But again, there’s that old instinct. It knows how to avoid prying eyes. Too many people out there. It can smell them, all flesh and blood. 

At the thought, the constant pang in its stomach sharpens, and those urges dredge themselves back up to the surface. Devour. Kill. It remembers the battle that it was imprisoned. The crunch of bone. The taste of flesh. It wants that, craves it. It takes a step towards the exit without even realizing. 

No. 

That old instinct is there again. No, not instinct. Some part of itself that it had forgotten. Shouting from the depths of its heart. It stands there for a long moment, saliva dripping from its jaws, fighting against itself. Everything that it once was against everything that it is. 

Then, it turns its back on the exit. It’s still exhausted, but, with a running leap, it launches itself at the wall. Even as it does, it’s careful to avoid the pots, with their violets and mint. Its claws dig deep into the stone, holding it steady. Scaling the wall is a struggle, in its state, but the thought of them keeps it going. The warmth of their hands. The sound of their laughter. 

With one last push, the beast reaches the roof. From here, it can see all the lands below. The snowy lands of Faerghus, the plains below the monastery. But it doesn’t linger. It can smell the scent of them. Faint but there. It slips over the other edge and follows their trail.

\---

**Sylvain**

Fight like he wants to die. That’s what Sylvain has always done, but it’s not an option anymore. 

Now, he’s fighting to live. For Felix, for Ashe. He’s fighting to live alongside them. 

He thrusts his spear through an enemy’s chest, dragging it out and slashing another in the same breath. There’s the crackle of electricity behind him. He turns to see one of those strange, cloaked figures fall.

Felix rushes over to his side. “You better remember that promise we made,” he snaps.

Sylvain grins, parrying a blow from an enemy soldier. “I remember.” 

Felix turns back to face the fray. “Good. Now come on. The Boar and Professor are moving to the throne room.”

Sylvain nods, and the two go to join the rest of their friends. 

Sylvain hears Felix’s sharp intake of breath first. He sees what caused it when he lays eyes on Edelgard. It’s a horrifying sight... Those same red eyes, the black carapace.

“What in the Goddess’- name,“ Felix murmurs.

As they watch, Dimitri dives in with his spear, only to be rebuked with a swipe of her claws. Byleth catches him, stumbling back herself in the process. 

She blinks, and then drags Dimitri backwards. Caught off guard, the King stumbles after her. “Professor, what-“

“Everyone, back up!” She shouts. Though confused, her once-students obey without question. They’ve learned to trust her judgments. Her eyes meet Sylvain’s briefly, and he sees fear in them. Edelgard takes the opportunity to hurl dark magic towards the two, but Byleth dodges effortlessly, Dimitri following her lead. The two are perfectly in sync now. Not for the first time, Sylvain wonders how they aren’t dating. 

A roar resounds from behind them, and Sylvain’s blood runs cold. The sound is unmistakable. A demonic beast. Had they missed one? Sylvain whips around, lance raised, but then beast is already upon them. A blur of sinew, claws, and fangs. 

Felix sees it too, but his expression is one of recognition. And then Sylvain realizes why. 

The beast darts past them and launches itself at Edelgard. Its fangs sink deep into her shoulder. She grunts, grabbing at the beast, trying to drag it off. As the two struggle he’s able to see it. Those distinctive spines that so resemble the Lance of Ruin.

Ashe.

“Fuck.” Felix’s swear echoes the rest of their sentiments. 

Annette gasps. “Is that-?” 

She doesn’t have time to finish the thought. There’s a strangled cry as Edelgard grabs Ashe by the throat. He kicks out, scrabbling for purchase, but finds nothing but air. 

Felix is the first to rush forward, launching a bolt of electricity as he does. The sparks are joined by a plume of flame, and the two magics engulf Edelgard. 

“Let him go!” It’s Mercedes who shouts this time, determination lending strength to her usually gentle voice. 

The empress shrugs off their attacks and casts Ashe aside. He crashes to the ground, and Marianne rushes to his side, fearless. Sylvain doesn’t wait to see more. He charges forward, lance raised. Felix is there already, darting in and out of Edelgard’s reach with the speed and precision of years of training. Together the two lovers flank Edelgard, working in perfect synchrony.

The rest of the Blue Lions join in, raining down a flurry of blows. Dedue shielding his comrades. Dimitri and Byleth fighting with everything that they have. Ingrid with all the honor and skill of a knight. Edelgard doesn’t shrug the attacks off as easily this time. Ashe rejoins the assault, weighing her down and gouging her with fang and claw alike. Yet still, she’s tireless. 

With a yell, she sweeps them aside. There’s a sharp pain in Sylvain’s head as he hits the ground, and he lays there, dazed, trying to blink the black spots out of his vision and reorient himself with the ringing in his ears. 

“-vain”

“Sylvain!” 

He hears Felix’s shout, the desperation in his voice, and he realizes that the dark spots aren’t just from the blow to his head. Edelgard is there, looming over him. There’s no emotion in her warped face. Just conviction.

Then Felix dives in, throwing himself over Sylvain. He’s bleeding from a cut on his cheek, and his hair hangs loose around his shoulders. Sylvain feels the warmth of him as Felix embraces him, and he can only see Edelgard then, claws raised. She brings her hand down. He feels Felix tense.

And Sylvain sees everything. Sees Ashe hurl himself on top of them. Sees the spray of blood, and the shudder as his lover falls to the side.

He doesn’t rise this time.

There’s the sick crunch bone through carapace, and Edelgard freezes. Areadbhar’s point is buried in her chest. She falls to her knees, revealing Dimitri behind her. The expression on his face is grim, a hint of anger in that single blue eye. He yanks the lance out of her. The darkness that surrounded her crumbles away, leaving only the emperor, kneeling on the floor of the throne room.

Felix releases Sylvain, turning towards the scene. It’s his scream snaps Sylvain out of his daze, and it’s clear that his lover has realized what happened. He’s calling Ashe’s name over and over. 

The tears start streaming down Sylvain’s face, and, together, they stumble over to Ashe. Let Dimitri deal with Edelgard. He doesn’t care. Sylvain doesn’t know why Edelgard came after him first, but he wishes that she hadn’t. It’s selfish. He knows it’s selfish. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else, but Ashe and Felix most of all. 

Marianne and Mercie are already by Ashe’s side, hands glowing with white magic. His breaths are ragged, wounds still bleeding profusely despite their efforts. Felix falls to his knees and places one trembling hand on his lover’s side. Sylvain stands, frozen, praying to the Goddess that Ashe would turn towards Felix, give him that characteristic rumble, anything.

Still, Ashe doesn’t move.

Sylvain kneels by Felix’s side. He wraps an arm around his lover, letting him know he’s there. Felix leans into him, but his gaze never leaves their lover. Sylvain looks towards Mercie and Marianne. “How is he?” His voice is shaky, made thin and weak by his tears. 

Marianne has a troubled look on her face. She hesitates before speaking, wrestling with what to say. “Bad. My magic is helping, but not nearly enough. It was the same earlier too.” 

Felix’s shoulders are shaking, and his hand, the one on Ashe’s side, balls up into a fist. “Are you telling me that that idiot was fighting while he was already injured?” 

Marianne nods, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop him. I of all people should know what he’s going through and yet-“

Mercedes shakes her head and puts a hand on the blue-haired woman’s shoulder. “Please, don’t blame yourself Ria. You did what you could.”

“Goddessdamnit.” Felix is sobbing freely now. “Why? Why did he have to-“

Sylvain sighs, rubbing small circles into his lover’s back. “For the same reason you were going to.” Felix doesn’t say anything at that. 

Sylvain is exhausted. It’s their victory, but it feels like anything but. Mercie puts a hand on each of their shoulders. Her hands glow briefly, and the pain in Sylvain’s head and body subsides. She smiles. “He’s not dead yet. And we’ll do everything we can, I promise.”

Felix and Sylvain meet each other’s eyes, sharing a myriad of feelings with the single glance, and then nod. They won’t give up. Not yet.

As they talk, Petra runs over, bundle of Adrestian banners in hand. “I was not finding bandages. Will these do?”

Mercie purses her lips. “It’ll be hard to tell when they’re dirty, but we’ll make it work. Thank you Petra.”

The woman nods and turns to Ashe. “Ashe, I will be having to climb on you to wrap your wounds. Please bear with me.”

She hoists herself up onto his side. As she starts to wrap his wounds, Ashe groans. It’s a weak sound, but unmistakably there. Felix breathes a shaky sigh at that, and Sylvain puts a hand on Ashe’s snout, rubbing it gently. “It’s alright. Petra’ll only be a second. Just hang in there.”

Ashe opens his eyes and blearily gazes towards Felix and Sylvain. Felix presses a kiss onto his cheek, and Ashe lets loose that deep rumble in his throat. Almost like a purr. Sylvain can’t help but smile at that. Felix too. 

Petra finishes wrapping the makeshift bandages and climbs down. Mercedes and Petra go to help the others, while Marianne watches over Ashe.

\---

Some time later, Dimitri walks over to join them. A thin line of blood is dripping down his left shoulder, but he seems to pay it no mind. He looks to Ashe, concern knitting his brow. “Is he going to be alright?” 

Marianne nods hesitantly. “I think so. We’ve stopped most of the bleeding, and demonic beasts heal faster than we do.”

Dimitri breathes a sigh of relief. “That is good to hear.” 

He turns to Felix and Sylvain. “You need not attend to it right now, but I wanted to let you know that when we searched Hubert’s quarters, we found this.” He holds up an old, leatherbound journal. “Annette thinks that she can use the sigils here to reverse the Crest Stone’s hold on him. So once he’s recovered...”

Sylvain’s eyes widen, and he turns to Felix. His lover has the same look of hope in his eyes that Sylvain does in his. He leans down to kiss Felix without even thinking about it. Felix sputters a little, before leaning up and returning the gesture. The kiss has the tang of salt and blood, but it’s the best feeling. When they part, Sylvain can see that their friends grinning at them. 

Felix laughs, breathless, tears still in his eyes, and says, “That’s the best damned news I’ve heard all day. Thank you, Dimitri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting Nezuko vibes here. But KNY aside, I really loved writing this chapter. It was nice getting to see everything come together. There are definitely things that could be improved, but I'm still happy with how it turned out! 
> 
> Thank you for reading this far! Next time, we'll see how this whole thing wraps up.


	12. Sylvain, Felix, & Ashe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ending

**Sylvain**

“Hard to believe it’s already been a year.”

Felix pauses, half-dressed, and turns to look at Sylvain. It’s not a bad look, Sylvain thinks idly. He knows a few ways to make it better, but it isn’t bad. Sylvain is sitting backwards on a chair, taking in the smell of fresh-cut violets and the sight of Felix. The Lance of Ruin leans against the desk beside him, empty of its crest stone. Sylvain had made sure to lock it away in a safe place, after all that had happened. He’d been tempted to store the lance too but eventually decided against it. Better to keep it somewhere he can see it. 

Felix knows Sylvain is watching him, and Sylvain knows that he knows from the quick glances in his direction and flush of his lover’s cheeks. It’s hard not to tease Felix when he blushes like that. 

Felix pulls on the shirt and sighs. The loose sleeves billow around him, and the deep v-neck is generous, to say the least. “Not exactly the anniversary I was expecting,” he mutters.

Sylvain laughs. “You’re telling me. All of Fodlan united under the Kingdom. The Professor and Dimitri getting hitched. Us being back at the monastery. Or did you mean the part about your  _ incredibly _ attractive husband watching you dress?”

Okay, so maybe he’s gonna tease him a little. Felix makes an offended sound, but doesn’t confirm or deny. 

“You want help tucking that?” Sylvain asks.

“I’ll manage, thanks.”

Sylvain rises from his chair and walks over to stand behind Felix. He leans his chin on his lover’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around the man’s waist. “Oh come on, you’re making it harder than it is. Here, if you do it like this...”

He takes the soft linen and goes about fussing with it. Felix scoffs, but allows Sylvain to tuck the shirt into his pants. 

Sylvain nods in satisfaction. “There we go. You look incredibly sexy in that Darling, not gonna lie.” 

Felix’s cheeks flush further, and he elbows Sylvain in the ribs. It’s not painful per say, but it’s enough to make Sylvain wince. “Stop teasing so early in the morning. We have things to do today.”

“I know, I know,” he laughs, “I can’t help it though. I’m in a good mood.”

Felix gives him a side-long glance, but there’s amusement in his eyes. “Well, you’ll just have to be patient, won’t you?”

Okay, now Felix is the one teasing him.

Felix loops a belt around his waist, slipping his sword along the side of it, then pulls on his boots. He stands in front of the mirror, tying up his hair, hairtie held between his teeth. It’s a basic look, but it’s so damned good. Or maybe it’s just Felix that is.

“If you keep wearing thigh-highs, people are going to get some funny ideas about you,” Sylvain comments nonchalantly. 

“You have enough rumors for the three of us,” Felix quips back, “Anyway, we should get going.” 

“Yup, yup. Let’s get to it.” He interlaces his fingers with Felix’s, casting one last glance at the Lance of Ruin. Then he closes the door behind them, and the two leave their old room, hand in hand.

\---

**Felix**

Felix hears Ashe before he sees him. The man’s humming carries through the hallway that leads to Rhea’s old room. It’s slightly off-key, but clear and sweet nonetheless. 

The garden too is as beautiful as always. The gentle burbling of the fountain accompanies Ashe’s notes, supporting the gentle cadence of his voice, and the scent of flowers carries on the wind. Ashe is leaning on the balcony railing, back turned to them. Felix pauses at the doorway, taking in the sight of him. A slight breeze stirs his clothes and silvery locks, but, other than that, Ashe is perfectly still. 

The time Ashe spent as a demonic beast has left its mark on him. He has a hunger about him that he lacked before. Felix can see it in the way his lover holds himself, among other things. Then there are the nightmares. They all have their fair share of them, but Felix hates to see how Ashe suffers for it especially. Early on, there was the tossing and turning, the whimpers, him waking up in a cold sweat, clinging tight to Felix or Sylvain as he reoriented himself back to his new reality. Now, with all of them separated? He can only hope that things have gotten better.

It’s left physical marks as well. The scar Dimitri gave him is a stark contrast to his pale, freckled skin. Dimitri has apologized for it time and time again, though Ashe has tried just as persistently to dissuade him with gentle reassurances. The scars from Edelgard are there too, stretching diagonally across his back. A reminder of what they had almost lost. 

But up here, there’s almost a dream-like radiance about him. It’s there in the way that the morning light illuminates the edges of his hair. How he turns, ever so slightly at the sound of their approach. His smile when he sees them standing there. 

“Felix, Sylvain!” 

The two walk over to join him, and he embraces the both of them. Sylvain grins. “Hey Honey, sorry that we kept you waiting. You look gorgeous.”

Felix nods in agreement. It’s true. Ashe has always been on the simpler side of fashion, but his white v-neck and paper bag pants cut a flattering figure. He has a violet tucked behind one ear, taken from the from the bouquet they’d given him. It matches the color of the ring on his hand. The blush that spreads over his face just completes the picture.

Ashe laughs and shakes his head. “Thank you! And no need for apologies.” He frowns. “Really, I should apologize for heading out early.” 

Felix waves a hand. “All that matters is we’re here now. No need to dwell on it.” 

Sylvain nods and puts a hand on their shoulders. “Right. Today’s a day to enjoy ourselves! And that day is starting with breakfast. So where do you two want to go?”

Ashe smiles. “Why not here?” He reaches into his pack and takes out some cloth-wrapped containers. “Cooked it up this morning! It should still be warm.”

Sylvain’s eyes light up and a sly grin crosses his face. “Now is that what you were doing? Honey, you’re an angel. Sounds perfect to me, what do you think Fi?” 

Felix smiles and crosses his arms. “I don’t see why not. It’s been too long since either of us have had Ashe’s cooking.”

Sylvain grins and settles down on one of the benches. The other two follow suit, and Ashe passes them each a container. Sylvain digs in eagerly. Felix shows a little more restraint, but it’s just for show. It really has been too long. Even with House Fraldarius’ capable chefs, it just isn’t the same.

Sylvain waves his fork. “Honestly. You know what? We should merge our houses. Gaspard, Fraldarius, and Gautier. We could call it Gasfraltier or some other nonsense. I mean, we’re already married. Wouldn’t be a stretch, right?”

Felix rolls his eyes. He knows it’s a joke, but it hits a little too close to home. “As much as all of us would like that, it wouldn’t be wise. Especially not for Ashe, what with him being the new house head. Not to mention the distance between our territories.”

Sylvain sighs even more dramatically this time. “I know, I know. But still! The distance is killing me. Literally.” He takes on a more serious expression. “Letters are all well and good, but noble stuff keeps us so busy that we hardly get to see each other. If I’m being honest, it sucks. Like, we’ll get to see each other at official meetings and Mercedes and Marianne’s wedding, but other than that? Not much in the foreseeable future.” 

Ashe and Felix nod in agreement. Ashe looks down at his food. “I wish we could spend more time together. Knighthood has always been my dream, but you two mean the world to me.”

Felix looks at the two of them and shakes his head. “Enough with the gloom. You said it yourself, today’s our day to enjoy ourselves. If there’s a problem, we tackle it together. We always have before, and we always will.” 

Sylvain and Ashe share a glance, and then burst out laughing. Felix blushes. “What? Am I wrong?”

Ashe grins. “Not at all. It’s just... you always seem to know the right thing to say.” 

Felix’s blush deepens. Sylvain looks between them and sighs in contentment. “Goddess I’ve missed you both.” He stands up and stretches. “Alright, let’s make the most of it. What should we do first?”

\---

**Ashe**

The day with them is filled with joy and laughter. Though Sylvain has grown in maturity, he still knows how to make the other two laugh without fail. And though Felix still puts on a show of being prickly, his tenderness when he’s with them? It’s something to be cherished for sure. They exchange more gestures of affection than Ashe can count. His heart feels so full that it might burst. And it comes to an end all too soon. 

They’re lying in the darkness of their bedroom now. Felix in the middle, Ashe and Sylvain on either side. They fit perfectly there, in that space for the three of them. Ashe can feel sleep tugging at him, lulled by the gentle sound of his lovers’ breathing, but he fights to stay awake, wanting even just a few moments more with them. 

Anxiety twists in his stomach, both for the day’s end and the nightmares that he knows are coming. The memories of that time blur together, but he still remembers. He remembers how his he hurt his friends, how out of control he felt. He can ignore the memories while he’s awake, for the most part, but while he’s sleeping? It’s impossible then. He curls up against Felix, taking some comfort in his warmth. 

“Felix, Sylvain?” he murmurs.

Felix turns over to face him, and Sylvain intertwines his hand with Ashe’s. “What’s up?” the redhead asks.

Ashe smiles at them, though it’s barely visible in the low light of the moon. “I love you.” 

Felix leans up and kisses him gently. His lips are chapped, rough, but his touch is anything but. “I love you too.” 

Sylvain leans forward and gives Ashe’s hand a squeeze. “And I love you three. Maybe a smidge more than this guy.” Sylvain flails a bit as Felix goes to elbow him, snorting and laughing. “What?” 

“Duke Gautier, you go too far.” Despite his words, Ashe can hear the smile in Felix’s voice. He closes his eyes, listening to them as they banter back and forth. The conversation eventually lulls into silence, and he hears Sylvain’s voice at the edge of sleep.

“Hey Ashe? You still up?” 

He shifts closer to Felix, and murmurs an “Mhm.” Felix shifts to accommodate him and one of their hands comes to rest on his cheek. 

“I wasn’t joking earlier. We love you. More than anything.”

Ashe smiles and turns to press a kiss into the palm- Sylvain’s, he’s sure now. Though both have hands that are rough and calloused, Felix’s are just a bit smaller. “I know. I love you guys too.”

“We’ll figure this out.” It’s Felix who speaks this time. The man strokes his head, lulling him further into sleep. 

“Together?” Ashe’s mouth can barely form the words now, but he feels Felix’s nod against his chest.

“Always.”

The heaviness in his heart lightens a little at that, and, for the first time in a long while, he drifts off into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of it! This chapter was probably the most fun to write though because it's finally fluff time!! After chapters and chapters of angst. I intended this to be just a happy ending at first, but their in-game endings didn't work with that so it ended up being a little bittersweet. It's not perfect, but I think it's enough.
> 
> I started writing stories before I started drawing, but I wasn’t confident in it and stopped trying to share it. So it’s not as practiced as my art. But now, I’m not as worried about whether it’s good or bad. I’m happy that I can put this idea into the world!
> 
> I’m not sure if I’ll post anything else, but thank you so much for checking this fic out! It really means a lot.
> 
> Also also!!! Big thanks to @_idokidoki on twitter for help with Ashe fashion <33

**Author's Note:**

> This idea sort of came out of the blue, but I'm running with it! Seemed fitting with Ashe's budding talent being lances :^) 
> 
> Big thanks to @cokemilk for encouraging me to do this and helping me along the way (and also convincing me of the Ashe Felix Sylvain agenda)! I seriously couldn't have done this without them.


End file.
